Scooby meets Buffy
by michael the seer
Summary: Buffy and the gang have a new mystery, this time with real vampires. But they are fighting over the buffyscooby caste system. warning: as much mindless cursing as a crappy, straight to video B movie
1. Default Chapter

            "Man when are we going to get to Sunnydale?  I'm getting hungry," Shaggy complained.

            "Well if you'd lay off the pot you wouldn't be so hungry all the time," Freddy said annoyed.  

            "You are so lame Freddy.  What is wrong with me and Scooby getting high?" Shaggy asked.

            "Let's not have this discussion again guys," Velma said.  The mystery machine pulled into Sunnydale University's parking lot.  "We're here."

            The gang got out of their van and went inside the university.  Daphne's cousin was a professor there.  He had recently went on an expedition in South America and had found a collection of valuable pots.

            "I'm sorry guys, the University is closed.  The Amazon King is haunting this place," a security guard told them.  

            "Amazon King?" Velma asked.

            "Those pots that a professor brought in are cursed.  An Amazon warrior has haunted this place ever since they were brought here,"  
            "Oh no not again.  Please don't let her say…," Shaggy was cut off by Velma.

            "Jenkies, looks like we have a mystery to solve."

            "Shit," Shaggy said.

            "Let's go talk to my cousin," Daphne said.  They left the University and went to his house.

            "Daphne, I'm sorry I couldn't show you those pots.  They are in the University and that Amazon King is keeping us all out."

            "Don't worry, we'll get rid of him.  I don't think it's a real ghost."

            "Really, you guys sure are brave."

            "We'll just break in there tonight and hunt for him," Velma said.

            "I'm concerned about the demon that's in your college," Giles said.

            "Don't worry, I'll go there tonight and slay it," Buffy Summers said.

            "Hey the Scooby Gang is coming with you," Xander said.

            That night Buffy, Xander, and Willow go to the University.  "The security guard is gone," Willow said.  

            "Hope he's okay," Buffy said.  "Hey the door's unlocked."  The Scooby Gang enters the University and spots the other Scooby Gang.

            "Hey, who are you guys?" Freddy asked.

            "We should be asking you the same thing?" Buffy responded.  "We are here to slay the Amazon King."

            "So are we.  Maybe we can work together," Velma said.

            "Okay," Willow said.

            "This place is huge," Freddy said.  "We need to split up. I'll go with Daph… I'll go with the blonde girl.  Velma can go with the red head.  Shaggy and Scooby can go with the guy."

            "Hey wait a min…," Daphne said but Freddy had already took Buffy's arm and ran off.  "Freddy left me for that filthy whore.  Well two can play at this game," She takes Xander's arm and walks off.  

            "Hi," Velma said to Willow.

            Willow responded with another hi and a big smile.  The two walked off.

            "Well, I guess we can just go get high," Shaggy told Scooby. 


	2. the Amazon king is defeated

            "Man am I stoned," Shaggy said to Scooby, who was also stoned.  "Let's go to the cafeteria and find some grub."

            "Yeah," Scooby replied.  The two burn outs started to hunt for the University's cafeteria when they run into the Amazon King.  

            "Zoinks," Shaggy screams and the two start running with the Amazon King closely behind.  They turn around a corner and see a janitor's closet.  They run inside and come out wearing janitors' outfits.  The Amazon King walks towards them.  "They went in there," Shaggy told the Amazon King and pointed towards a class.  The idiotic spirit ran inside.  

            Shaggy and Scooby ran down the hall and were out of sight by the time the Amazon King came back out.

            "That'll show Freddy," Daphne said to herself as she put her clothes back on.

            "I can't believe I was raped again.  Anya's gonna chop my balls off," Xander said.

            "Come on lets go pretend to be investigating the Amazon King," Daphne said.  They walked out of the classroom they were in and started roaming the halls aimlessly.

            "This is the room where those pots are," Willow told Velma.

            "Good, I bet that the answer to this mystery is in here," Velma said as she walked inside.  "The pots are gone.  Somebody has been using the Amazon King scare people away so they could steal the pots."

            "Wow, this is the first time the monster wasn't real," Willow said.

            "Huh?" Velma said, giving Willow a funny look.

            "Um, never mind," Willow said.

            "Don't worry, it happens to lots of guys," Buffy told Freddy.

            "This never happened to me when I'm with Daphne.  I guess its just guilt," Freddy said.  "I know I'll go with both of you and then it won't be like I'm cheating."

            "Yeah, you can be with both of us.  Hey let's go see if the others are making any progress."

            All of the sleuths made their way back to the entrance of the school.  "The Amazon King is a fraud.  It's a plot to steal the pots," Velma said.

            "Okay, we need to make a trap.  Shaggy, Scooby, and you will be the bait," Freddy said to Xander.  

            They hunted the Amazon King down and got him to chase them.  There was some pointless running around before they ran towards the others, who were holding a large volleyball net they took from the gym.

            "I'm sorry Daphne, from now on I'll have sex with both you and Buffy."

            "Really.  That's all I ever wanted," Daphne told Freddy and the two let go of their end of the rope and start making out.

            The plan was for the guys to duck under the net and for the others to wrap up the Amazon King.  But with half the net on the ground they just tripped.  Luckily Buffy was there to open a can of whoop ass on the spirit.

            After Buffy beat him senseless Freddy said, "Now let's see who you really are."  He took off the mask and showed that the security guard was the criminal.

            "You were trying to steal those pots weren't you?" Velma said.

            "And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids."

            The next day the gang bothered to introduce themselves.  "Hey why don't we stay here for a while.  It's not like we have jobs or anything," Freddy said.

            Freddy and Scooby were eating some food from the cafeteria.  "Yeah let's stay here.  Pot is a lot cheaper here."  
            "Scooby Dooby Doo."


	3. Caste System

            "Hey guys," Velma yelled to her friends.  "There's rumors of vampires haunting an old hotel that is supposed to reopen."

            "God damn it.  Why do we have to get involved in all these fucking mysteries," Shaggy grumbled.

            "Why do you have to complain all the time Shaggy?  We just go in and investigate.  It's not like this is dangerous," Daphne said.

            "Easy you to say.  All you have to do is jump Freddy's bones while me and Scooby risk our lives being the bait for the demons.  You contribute absolutely nothing to the group.  And truth be told Freddy doesn't do anything either.  You just pull of the mask.  Then you just sit there fuckin' Daphne while me, Scooby, and Velma do all the work."

            "Don't get all high and mighty on us Shaggy.  You and Scooby just sit there getting stoned the whole time.  And how is it going to look if we have that bull dyke taking off the mask.  I'm the one that looks the part of the leader."

            "Wait a second, you bastard," Velma cut in.

            "Shut up, you whiny, pug faced bitch," Daphne said.

            "Useless whore," Velma responded.

            "Let's just end this conversation and go retrieve Buffy and friends," Freddy said.

            "Oh yes, lets get that bimbo so you can have your three way," Shaggy said.

            "Actually it's only a three way if everybody has sex with each other.  Freddy's just gonna have sex with us but me and Buffy won't do anything together.  We're not like Velma."

            Buffy sat in her house with her mom.  She was still recovering from her surgery.  They were watching a soap opera and spending time with each other.  There was a knock at the door.  Buffy went and opened it and saw Willow, Xander, and the people she met the other night.  For some reason they appeared pissed off.

            "Hi guys.  Lets get prepared.  Um…are you guys sure you should come? I think this will be more dangerous than the last time we met," Buffy told them.  They didn't know that she was the slayer and it was better if they never learned.  

            "Why do you say that?" Freddy asked.

            "Well, there will be more…um…people in masks this time."

            "We're not worried," Velma said.

            "Willow, Xander come in," Buffy said.  "We'll just be a moment."

            "Man these guys have no idea what they are getting into," Xander said.

            "Yeah, they could get killed," Willow said.

            "What do we do?" Buffy asked.  Then the three heard several loud cuss words from the other side of the door.  She went outside.  "Is everything okay?"

            None of them responded.  "Listen, you guys are fighting.  You need to take a day off.  We'll handle this."  She shut the door before they could respond.

            That night Scooby and the gang arrived at the hotel.  They were still mad at one another.  "You guys showed up," Buffy said glumly.

            "We're prepared for things now let's just split up," Freddy told her.  Freddy went with Buffy and Daphne.  Xander went with Shaggy and Scooby.  Velma went with Willow.

            "All they ever talk about is how I'm a lesbian and they take all the credit for my work," Velma said.

            "I know what it's like.  I do all the research for the group but Buffy gets all the credit just because she beats the demon to a pulp."

            "Beating to a pulp, removing a mask, it's all the same," Velma told willow.

            "They act like we are useless," Shaggy griped to Xander.

            "My gang is the same way with me.  Just cause I'm not a witch or slayer they act like I can't do anything," Xander said.

            "Witch…Slayer?" Shaggy said looking confused.

            "Nevermind."

            "I mean somebody has to remove the mask.  Without me we would never find out who the demon really was.  I'm the most important member of the group," Freddy said to Buffy.  "I guess you know what that's like though."

            "Yeah, without me they would all be dead."

            "There's no one in your group that's like me.  I'm just one of a kind," Daphne said.  Secretly Buffy had just started to reminisce about when Cordelia was in the group.

            A female vampire was taking a shower in one of the hotel rooms.  She had robbed a hospital of some of its blood supply and was hiding out here.  "I'm the slayer and I'm going to stake you," a woman on the other end of the shower curtain said.  The woman opened the curtain and started stabbing her repeatedly with the stake until she finally hit her heart and dusted her.

            "Man, I'm really stoned right now," Xander said.  Shaggy had shared some of his pot with him.  The old hotel was pretty big and all indoors so they were on the first floor while the others were on the second and third floors.

            "Hey, heard something in there," Shaggy said.  They entered a hotel room and saw what they thought was Buffy with her back to them.

            "Buffy, what are you doing here?" Xander put his arm on her shoulder and turned her towards him.  "You're not Buffy."

            "Yes I am," the person, who was actually Spike, said.

            "Spike, why are you wearing Buffy's clothes?" Xander asked.

            "I'm not Spike.  I'm Buffy the Vampire Slayer," Spike said.

            "Okay, we'll just check another room," Xander said as he left the room.  He started giggling as soon as he left the hotel room.  "Man, Buffy's gonna freak."

            Willow and Velma were on the second floor when they heard several vampires around them.  Willow looked back and realized that that there were several vampires behind them.  Some also came out of the rooms in front of them.

            "What do we do?" Velma asked.

            "Guess I have no choice," Willow said as she cast a spell to shoot fireballs at the vampires.  It didn't take long to clear them out.  

            "What did you do?" Velma asked.

            "I'll explain later."

            "Shit," Buffy said as she faced several vampires.  "Stand back guys."  She pulled out the stake and began to fight.  After dusting the vampires they met back in the lobby.

            "What was that?" Freddy asked.  They just turned to dust.

            "They were real vampires.  It's my job to slay them."  Buffy explained.

            "How did you shoot out those fireballs?" Velma asked.

            "I'm a witch," Willow said.

            "Oh Buffy there's something you should know… um, actually I forget now but it was important," Xander said.  The marijuana made him forget about the incident with Spike.

            "Let's go home guys," Freddy said.  "I guess we are all pretty important."

            "Holy shit, he's loose," the prison guard screamed.  He stared at the dead body of another guard and realized that the escaped prisoner was armed.  The cell was open and the prisoner had escaped.


End file.
